Prelude: Captain Planet VS The Magic School Bus

Kra: "Across the multiverse, there are many characters with incredible power, who use it to educate those around them. And they often share one consistent fact."

Natalia: "They are inconsistent as fuck!"

Johnny Zealous: "Like the Magic School Bus, "

Lucas Zaboot: "And Captain fucking Planet."

Kra: "And here today to represent the good captain are Johhny Zealous and Lucas Zaboot! Glad to have you guys here!"

Johnny Zealous: "Glad to be here, thanks for inviting us!"

Lucas Zaboot: "Cut with the small talk, let's just get this sh*t over with before I sober up from this dumbass fight..."

Natalia: "I hear that!"

Johnny Zealous: "Now, now, he doesn't realize what he's saying...most of the time...let's begin shall we?"

Kra: "But first, obligatory meme reference."








CAPTAIN PLANET
First Appearance: “Captain Planet and the Planeteers” - “A Hero For Earth” September 1990
Height:6'3
Weight: N/A
Age: 6.4 Billion years old, same as the Earth
Occupation: Environmentalist, Superhero
Voiced: David Coburn

FEATS:
-spun through an entire garbage mound and not only removed the garbage but also sorted out all the glass, plastic and paper to recycle, in a matter of seconds.
-Turned a toxic waste truck into a water purifier
-Blew away all the carbon dioxide smog build-up in a metropolitan city and yet harped to others to keep your own damn city clean
-Confronted Hitler...yes, that Hitler...again, makes no sense and it's a really sucky lesson of blaming the past for the actions of today...
-Made an entire town aware about AIDS when they tried to kill some teenager who did nothing wrong

-Defeated his evil alter ego Captain Pollution

-Can survive in every harsh atmosphere on Earth
-Seems to gain new powers every episode, for the sake of the plot...

-Can tear apart machines like paper

-Controls the very Earth itself

-Carried an atom bomb into space in under a minute

-Somehow got six seasons on television
-Fought Alongside Cartoon Networks greatest, such as Samurai Jack and Ben Tennyson

Natalia: "I've not been looking forward to his."

Lucas Zaboot: "You and me both, babe."

Johnny Zealous: “Believe us, we really tried to think of some note-worthy feats but...”

Lucas Zaboot: “HE'S SO F*CKING BORING!”

Kra: "Really?"

Johnny Zealous: “Yes...Captain Planet is not a superhero that has aged well since the 90's. His preachy speeches about environmentalism does wear thin, even in this day an age of Al Gore and Tumblr Guilt-Trip Posts to recycle.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Re...what now?”

Johnny Zealous: “Okay, I know you're stupid but you seriously can't expect me to believe you've never heard of recycling?!”

Kra: "Seriously? My people invented that before the wheel."

Lucas Zaboot: “Hello? Raised in New Jersey? Worst place to live next to Detroit?”

Johnny Zealous: (facepalms) “Why do I ask stupid questions like these?”

Natalia: "He's got a point."

Lucas Zaboot: “Well instead of answering that question, why don't you tell me who this Guys Gone Wild Miami Beach model is?”

Johnny Zealous: “Ahem* Captain Planet is an age-old warrior with a terrible fashion sense that was supposedly created by the goddess Gaia to protect the planet Earth from humans who want to pollute for...just trying to make a profit without considering the risks of the impact it would do for the future?”

Lucas Zaboot: “Just like Justin Bieber's career.”



Johnny Zealous: “Awakening from a long slumber to a polluted Earth, Gaia sent out five elemental rings of power to five teenagers from different parts of the globe; Kwame from Africa received the power of Earth.”

Lucas Zaboot: “A power that he uses to make holes in the ground or make rocks grow out.”

Johnny Zealous: “Wheeler from North America received the power of fire.”

Lucas Zaboot: “A kid from Brooklyn? I hate him already.”

Johnny Zealous: “...anyways, from the Soviet Union (later Eastern Europe) Linka received the power of wind.”

Lucas Zaboot: “From Asia...which is where I assume Russia is from, some chick named Gi got the power or water, though she can't make water come out of her ring, she has to be near a water source for it to work.”

Johnny Zealous: “And the one power ring that is still under debate of it's use, Heart, used by Ma-Ti from South America.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Some vague power that allows you to read minds and send thoughts out to animals and people, but only if they're nice people.”

Natalia: "All of which are more useless that the internet's combined perception of Aquaman, Krillin, Tenten, and Magicarp combined."

Lucas Zaboot: "That combination actually does exist! It's called John Boehner!"


Johnny Zealous: “Well that's the general gist of it, but when the kids are in a tight jam or they're too lazy to figure another way out, they “let their powers combine” and it summons Captain Planet to deal with the problem and save the day.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Captain Deus Ex Machina! The contrived plot device is yours!”

POWERS....?

Main Powers:
-Flight
+can catch up to jets
+Mach 10
-Super Strength
+Once threw a spaceship into space using just his head
+Rips apart machines with ease
+Cracks the ground every time he takes off
-Semi-Invincible
+Can withstand a diamond-tipped oil drill
-Healing
+Heals through sunlight and the elements
-Telepathy
+Can send out his thoughts to people




Elemental Powers:
-Control over the Elements
+specifically Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, lightning, magnetism, volcanic magma, metals, plants, etc.
-Weather manipulation
+can make it rain if there's a fire
-Element shape-shifting
+Can change his physical form 
+Change to various elements
+Change to a light particle

Other powers:
-Transmutation
+Change the programming of nanobots
+Turn polluting vehicles into water purifiers and vacuums
+also turned guns into skis and shovels on separate occasions
+Transmutation of himself and inanimate objects
-PREACH

Lucas Zaboot: “We tried to sit down and make notes of his powers, but honestly, the mook makes up this sh*t as he goes along.”

Johnny Zealous: “Yes, just like pre-1980's Superman, Captain Planet has very undefined powers that makes choosing out what he can and can't do difficult. But enough episodes we've seen, we managed to at least write down the ones that were clear enough.”

Kra: "Luckily, inconsistency is the theme of this match."

Lucas Zaboot: “Apart from flying around at super-fast speeds, the Calvin Klein model is strong enough to pick up large vehicles, the entire roof of a government building, and he can change the weather if the situation calls for it...and I'm not talkin' about that Jersey Shore douchebag The Situation. Christ, that's the last time I help a bunch'a kids find a summer home...”

Natalia: "What?"

Johnny Zealous: “Speaking of weather, Captain Planet can take control over the elements like earth, water, fire, wind, magnetism, plants, lightning, and in one instance when fighting Captain Pollution, control over volcanic magma.”

Kra: "Like the Avatar or Storm, but with less awesomeness and more things to control.Also, its kind of unclear what deviation of each he can control. But that usually helps him more than hinders him."

Lucas Zaboot: “He's also some-what invincible. In the first episode, he took a diamond-tipped oil drill to the chest and laughed it off. He also had lasers blasted right in his face and set on fire when he was covered in oil and both times, he just dropped a bad pun.”

Natalia: "...Ok, I know this meme is overused, but the term 'zero fucks given' is very appropriate here."

Johnny Zealous: “Captain Planet also has this strange power that he's only done once in a blue moon where he takes metal and reshapes it into something else. Like turning guns that were being used to hunt wolves into skis and turned bazookas into shovels.”

Lucas Zaboot: “The bastard should'a made something useful with those guns, like box cutters. Those things are like swiss army knives.”

Johnny Zealous: “He's also telepathic, he can send his thoughts out to others to give them orders, such as one instance he sent out his thoughts to people to turn off their power while he was being drained by Duke Nukem-”

Lucas Zaboot: “The video game character?”

Natalia: "Not like I don't hear about him enough as it is."

Johnny Zealous: “Sadly not, this Eco-Villain lives off of radiation and looks like The Thing's Jersey Shore half-brother.”


Kra: "Hehe, he really does."

Lucas Zaboot: “Godammit, don't mention those f*cking brats next to me again, it's bad enough I pointed them to that stupid house but now they're making my home state look bad...”

Johnny Zealous: “Sorry.”

Intelligence:
-Master Chemist
+Nullified Acid rain
-Master Mechanic
+Built a rice planting machine out of the remains of a mechanical dragon
-Ommipresent
+Somehow aware of most going ons
+Can still be surprised
-Strong will/teaching

Kra: "Captain Planet is also an odd genius. He's a master of chemistry, able to use the elements to create various chemical compounds and fight against pollution with them!"

Johnny: "Even though most of said chemicals qualify as pollution themselves.Because hypocrisy is just one of his many inconsistent powers I suppose."

Natalia: "Makes about as much sense anything else he pulls out of his ass."

Kra: "He was able to make acid rain harmless by mixing it with several chemicals. He's also a good mechanic."

Lucas: "I'm sorry, does that say he took a perfectly good mechanical dragon, and made it produce rice!?! What the fuck is wrong with this asshole?! He should have made a beer still! That's far more useful!"

Johnny: "Johnny Zealous: "Yeah, it's... pretty unclear how he can do this. Not to mention he's got a weird kind of omnipresence... sometimes. He can be trapped and snuck up on, even though he seems to know everything going on around the world."

Lucas: "And finally, he has the power of preach! The most annoying shit I've ever have to hear while research a show called DEATH BATTLE. My god could this have been any worse."

Natalia: "If it means anything, I actually do feel bad for you. I wouldn't have wished all 6 seasons of Captain Planet on my worst enemy."

Lucas Zaboot: "Unless it was those Jersey Shore douchebags..."



WEAKNESSES
-Pollution
+Toxic waste, smog, radiation, oil, sludge, etc.
-Cannot leave Earth's atmosphere
-Nazism (again, this actually happened)
-Camera Flashes (Season 6 REALLY sucked by the way...)
-Can be weakened of power and forced to return to the power rings to recharge
-Really REALLY bad puns
-Inability to Kill (Somtimes...)
-Woodpeckers (XD)

Lucas Zaboot: “Please tell me there's some way to kill this moron.”

Johnny Zealous: “Actually, there is.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Oh thank you Mother Mary of Jesus Christ!”

Johnny Zealous: “Pollution!”

Lucas Zaboot: “...oh why Mother Mary of Jesus Christ?!”

Johnny Zealous: “Captain Planet's biggest weakness, one that the Eco-Villains take advantage of over and over again, is being hit with pollutants, from toxic waste, to chemicals, to smog, to radiation, to even polluted lava.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Huh, anyone else think this fight ought to take place in New Jersey?”

Natalia: "If it does, I garuntee you the cast of Jersey Shore is gonna die."

Lucas Zaboot: "I would suck a dick to see that happen...well okay maybe not, but I would be the happiest son of a bitch in the world to see those assholes bite the dust."

Johnny Zealous: “Also, Captain Planet's powers are limited to being on Earth. Once three of the Planeteers were in a rocket and blasted off into space just as they were calling Captain Planet, leaving him composed of Earth and Heart, hence leaving him without the power of flight. Subsequently, if Gaia's power is compromised, or if she forced off of Hope Island, Captain Planet loses his power since she is the bridge between him and the planet.”

Kra: "The farther he gets from earth, the weaker his powers become as well, though he can last quite some time in the outer atmosphere before being drained."

Lucas Zaboot: “Also, in one episode when he went back in time, he came face-to-face with Hitler, though they never say that's who it is, and it weakened Captain Planet, makin' him say something' retarded like “prejudice and hatred are as toxic as any other pollutant.” Bitch please, just pop in an Adam Sandler movie, THAT's toxic!"

Kra: "I still get nightmares about that twin movie..."

Johnny Zealous: “And there was one time he was summoned to save Wheeler from drowning and when Wheeler took his picture, it forced Captain Planet to return to their rings.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Earth's greatest hero my ass. I can't believe I actually want to see this blue model get run over by a bus."

Kra: "A magic bus!"

Lucas Zaboot: ""What-the-f*ck-ever."

Johnny Zealous: “Well, if anyone could possibly stand a chance against a magic school bus that pumps smog into the ozone layer, it could be Captain Planet.”

Lucas Zaboot: “Are you sure this isn't some show Al Gore produced?”

Johnny Zealous: “No, but I wouldn't be surprised if the show found itself being remade with Al Gore's name attached ten years from now...”

Lucas Zaboot: (looks to the reader) “The point we're trying to make is this show is terrible. It guilt-trips it's audience to clean up the environment by offering simplified examples of people who pollute as monsters, presenting people who are just tryin' to make a living should drop what they're doin' and start cleaning up the environment and feel the need to sermonize humanity's ignorance as the reason for our mistakes.”

Johnny Zealous: (also looking to the reader) “If you really want to make a difference on the environment, recycle your plastic, paper, aluminum, don't buy items or materials that are made from animals, turn off the lights to conserve power and light bulbs, leave animals alone, don't throw garbage on the street, and just be nice people. Don't take the word of a blue man wearing 80's hand-me-down clothes to clean up the environment, just read a book and go to helpful websites to learn more about what you can do to make the world a better-looking place.”

Kra: *slow claps


Lucas Zaboot: (returns to character) “Seriously, what the hell is recycling?”

Johnny Zealous: (also returns to character) “All right, enlighten me, what do you do in New Jersey to dispose recycling?”

Lucas Zaboot: “Well, outside on the block, a Hazmat team comes and drops a barrel of toxic waste every Tuesday. Over the course of the week, we throw our garbage and recycling into the barrel, let the toxic waste dissolve it, then the Hazmat team comes around to give a new barrel as they take the old one away.”

Johnny Zealous: (running his fingers through his hair) “That explains so much and yet nothing to me...”

Natalia: "How are you not the Hulk by now?"

Kra: "Or at least Lex Luthor."

Lucas Zaboot: "Easy. Mountain Dew and Snicker bars! Absorbs that radiation sh*t like drinking beer with burgers...well that and wearing lead t-shirts."







The Magic School Bus:
First Apperance: 1985
First TV Apperance: 1994
Model: Type A Minotaur
Capacity: 30 students
Weight: 10,000 pounds


Feats:
-First animated show to air on PBS
-Redirected a meteor about to impact the earth
-Went back in time over 65 million years
-Traveled from the Earth to Pluto in under 30 minutes, with stops
-Can transform into nearly anything, as well as transform its occupants into nearly anything
-Survived the pressure of two colliding continental plates with ease
-Can handle the vast pressures of the ocean deep, radiation from space, and the temperature of the sun, all while keeping its occupants safe from harm.
-Can drive itself (but prefers Mrs. Frizzle at the wheel)
-Created a red giant star out of nothing in a matter of seconds
-Then tanked the explosion of a red giant sun going supernova
-Theme song is performed by rock legend Lil' Richie XD


Kra: "First published as a book series in the 1980's, The Magic School Bus was-"

Lucas Zaboot: "IT DID WHAT WITH A SUN?!?!"

Natalia: "Don't get ahead of us here, we'll get to that."

Kra: "The MSB quickly became one of the most popular children's book series to date, and eventually publishing a total of 109 different books, all about various sciences, maths, social studies, and various other school topics."

Lucas Zaboot: "Ugh, more learning. Lucas Zaboot: "Ugh, more learning, hold on." (picks up a container of paint thinner and deeply inhales) "PHEW! sniff* kaff* Aaaaaaand now I don't care."

Johnny Zealous: "...how do you even function?"

Kra: "The books detailed a group of students being taken on fantastical voyages by the enegmatic Mrs. Frizzle, a Doc Brown esque school teacher who is exempt from the concept of permission trips. She would take her class on multiple, impossible field trips around the globe. To make it even more interesting, the bus they took could transform into a multitude of forms, shrink or grow to various sizes, and even travel through time."

Johnny Zealous: "... Wow, this must be either the school of an orphanage or the town with the worst parents in the history of mankind."

Natalia: "Oddly enough, its also one of the safest buses in fiction and reality. Unlike real world school buses, this one has seat belts."

Lucas Zaboot: "Right, cause a giant yellow fucking box made a metal hauling a bunch of fragile ass kids needs protection. Reminds me of my days as a Bus driver."



Lucas Zaboot: "Heh heh, that'll teach those kids to put gum under the seats..."

Johnny Zealous: "...I'm concerned for you now..."

Kra: "In any case, the Magic School Bus became popular enough to gain a television show, which was PBS's first animated series. This show, along with the already popular books, would cement the Bus and its red headed driver in educational history."

Natalia: "The books or tv show never followed a conventional story, but Mrs. Frizzle constantly took the kids on wackey adventures. And to do so the bus has even wackier powers and tricks."

Lucas Zaboot: "I can do trick too! You! Dinosaur-hallucination thing! Give me your wallet! I'll make it disappear!"

Kra: "Do I look like I carry a wallet?"

Lucas Zaboot: "...f*ck, ya got me there..."


Transmutation/Other Powers:
Size changing of itself and other objects

-Smallest size: 0.1 nanometers across
-Largest size: 3,475 kilometers across (2,159 miles)
Time Travel
-Went over 250 million years into the past
Flight
Dematerialization


Transformations:
-Animals
Butterfly
Alligator

Bear
Bat
Snail
Frog
Gila Monster
Triceratops
Chicken
Duck
Ladybug
Turtle
Water Strider
Bee
Spider (Kaiju Sized)

Owl Limpet
Horned Lizard
-Vehicles:
Space Shuttle

Submarine
Jeep
Land Rover
Locomotive
Steamboat
Paddleboat
Pirate Ship
Spanish Galleon
Racecar
Helicopter
Anti-Recycling Machine
Biplane
Blimp
Skateboard
Surf board
Airboat
Tow Truck
10 winged plane
Hughes H-4 Hercules
Time Machine

The Starship USS Enterprise

-Other Inaminate Objects
Pollen grain
Pitcher
Pizza
Spray Bottle
Comet
Asteroid

Moon

Guitar
Floppy Disk
Beehive
A rock
Water molecules
Light particles


Kra: "Check yourself, I got more forms than Ben 10, and more weapons at the ready then Mutherfucking Tenten!"

Johnny Zealous: ".... did the dinosaur just drop bars?"

Lucase Zaboot: ""I dunno, I checked out after the time travel bit and pulled out my headphones for some Beastie Boys."

Natalia: "Ignore him, he's trying to show off to the resident rap masters. The MSB has a shit ton of forms though. Pretty much any animal, car, plane, you name it, it can be it."

Lucas Zaboot: "Can it be a beautiful woman in a low-cut evening dress?"

Natalia: "Um...maybe?"

Lucas Zaboot: (slicks back his hair) "Then it looks like I'm taking a bus out for dinner...damn that sounded stupid..."

Johnny Zealous: "I see its not limited to just generic things though. I guess it's not limited generic things though as it can take the form of The USS Enterprise. With that in mind, I assume that includes fictional vehicles as an option to it's list."

Natalia: "Eh, it would be cheap to do that. But if it could, it probably would just turn into the TARDIS and end the fight right away. Not that we're going to."

Lucas Zaboot: "Cause where's the fun in that?"

Johnny Zealous: "The Bus can change into just about any animal or vehicle in existence. But not only that, it can also travel through time, transform into molecular level, change in size instantaneously and levitate off the ground. Also...what's this about an Anti-Recycling machine that isn't my partner?

Kra: "In the MSB Christmas special, Wanda (one of the students) lost her favorite toy to the bowels of a recycling plant. She threw a tantrum, and Mrs. Frizzle decided it would be a good idea to teach the class about the lessons of recycling. Though it actually was the plants fault her toy got destroyed, but Arnold's incompetance."



Lucas Zaboot: "...Is that a Dalek on its nose?"

Natalia: "That riveting story aside, the bus transformed into an odd contraption that not only destroyed all forms of recycling on the planet, but also changed history so that recycling was never invented in the first place."

Johnny Zealous: "... so it can change history as well?"

Kra: "It would appear so."

Johnny Zealous: "Why is that so terrifying?"

Lucas Zaboot: "SERIOUSLY, THAT SHIT LOOKS LIKE A DALEK!"

Natalia: "That answer your question?"

Lucas Zaboot: "No, why the f*ck does this bus have a Dalek on the hood?!"


Physicality:

Speed:
-Traveled from the Earth to Pluto in under 20 minutes (Not Counting stops)
Roughly 230,000,000 mph
-Traveled from the Earth to several different stars in minutes
Due to the distance of the nearest stars being 4.35 light years, and the time needed for an object moving at light speed to get there is over 4 years, the Magic School Bus is at minimum 400 times faster than light.
-Can move at light speed by changing into a light particle

Durability:
-Endured the pressures of being between 2 colliding tectonic plates
-Can easily withstand the greatest pressures of the ocean
7,300 psi
-Could not be affected by the immune system of a human
-Survived the stomach acid of your average human
pH level of 1.5-3.5-Extremely acidic
-Shrugs off the cold and radiation of space
-Survived a red giant sun going supernova at point blank range
That kind of force can destroy entire solar systems and create Black Holes
Visabely upset by this though

Strength:
-Can extend giant mechanical hands to manipulate objects
Can throw massive boulders
Crushed leftover matter from a supernova into a new star*
*Strained a bit at this effort



Natalia: "The Bus has some outright overpowered feats under its belt. To keep it simple, we'll divide it into 3 sections, Speed, Durability, and Strength. For starters, lets go with speed."

Johnny Zealous: "Someone call up Sega cause this bus has gotta go fast. In one of the first episodes, it traveled from Earth to nearly every planet in our solar system and back in 20 minutes AND that's with pit stops and yet made it back just in time for lunch."

Lucas Zaboot: "Seriously, that f*ck's with that Dalek hood ornament?!"

Natalia: "Even if we assume that it took longer, they still accomplished this in a regular school day, since they got back before the bell even rang. That's still hundreds of times faster than the fastest man-made rocket."

Johnny Zealous: "For comparison, the fastest man-made rocket is the North American X-15."

"This rocket-powered aircraft was created in 1959 and for it's 9-year run, set the fastest records for piloted rocket vehicles with a top-recorded speed of 4,520 miles per hour, that's 6.72 times the speed of sound. During it's commission, eight pilots broke the altitude record by reaching 50 miles, with assistance from a B-52. Even today, the Guinness Book of World Records still recognize the X-15 as the fastest manned rocket-powered aircraft ever created."

Lucas Zaboot: "Blah, blah, blah with the learning! F*ck it, I'm getting the paint thinner out."

Kra: "Then we come back to the Star episode. In this one, the Bus traveled too and from several stars in less than a hour. Even assuming that they only visited the closest stars to the Milky Way, this means they traveled over 400 times the speed of light!"

Johnny Zealous: "Johnny Zealous: "Calculating that, this means the bus can go 266 trillion miles per hour. That just 1 trillion mph faster than either Superman or Goku combined."

Natalie: "That's 12 zeros bitches!"

Lucas Zaboot: "And now what about this super nova shit you were talking about earlier?"

Kra: "In the same episode, the Magic School Bus came upon an old, red giant star. Minutes kater, the star expired, exploding as a supernova and likely destroying any planets in that solar system. The Bus didn't even flinch from this."

Johnny Zealous: "Now when supernovas explode, their range tends to go a few parsecs in it's radius. Scientifically, one parsec is estimated to be 3.26 light-years, or 19 trillion miles in length. When a supernova goes, it goes with the impact of 100-150 times the sun, mind you, our sun's surface is estimated to be 5,778 Kelvins. Which would mean a supernova going off would be the estimated equivalent of 577,800-866,700 Kelvins reaches up to 1,039,580F-1,559,600F."

Natalie: "Meaning, this bus not only survived the impact of 2 Decellion (33 zeros) nuclear bombs, but it also survived the melting temperatures of over 1 million degrees Fahrenheit! If the impact didn't kill the kids on that bus, the heat surely should have done them in."

Lucas Zaboot: "Are you sh*tting me?! Let me see that!"

Skip to 15:00


Lucas Zaboot: "... Holy Jesus sh*t!"

Natalia: "While this is probably near the upper limit of what the Bus can take, its an impressive feat. Exploding supernova's can wipe out entire solar systems and send beams of radiation capable of destroying planets out into space."

Lucas Zaboot: "No f*cking sh*t!"

Kra: "The Bus has other feats detailing its incredible durability, but this one makes all the others moot by comparison. Lastly are the Bus'es strength feats."

Natalia: "Once again, we got back to the Star episode. After the Supernova, the Bus grew two robot hands and condensed the remaining matter into a new star. That kind of pressure requires so much force that it could potentially create a black hole."

Lucas Zaboot: "Damn! I really gotta HA-"

Natalia: "If you make a 'hand it to you' joke I will kick you so hard, you'll orbit the earth and land right back where you are!"

Lucas Zaboot: "... Geez if you gonna get that pissed about it. Don't have a cow."

Natalia: "...Oh you're f*cking dead after the cameras stop rolling..."

Johnny Zealous: "The Bus can drive through walls, blast through the earth, and is a true all terrain vehicle. But it would be nothing without its driver." 


Mrs. Valerie Frizzle:

Age: Unknown, Likely late twenties-early thirties
Occupation: Elementary School Science teacher
Mental Status: "Batshit Crazy"


Kra: "Piloting the bus is none other than everyone's ideal teacher, Mrs. Frizzle. Somehow she passed through college and got a teaching degree while being in a band with her sister."

Natalia: "When the fuck did that happen?"

Kra: "Beats me, I'm reading this straight from the wiki."

Johnny Zealous: "Glad to see we're being professional here."

Natalia: "In any case, Valerie teaches third grade science for a living, though its never explained when or how she actually got this bus. What we do know is that she's the only one who knows how to pilot the Bus successfully. Some of the kids have managed to drive it before, but they usually fucked it up."

Johnny Zealous: "Lucas Zaboot: "Yeah, turning the whole class into bats when trying to shrink the bus probably counts as a f*ck-up, little dumb sh*ts."

Kra: "Valerie is the only known human being who can successfully pilot the MSB, as she knows every function/button/mechanism it has. She may have even invented the Bus itself, though there is no solid evidence for or against this."



Weaknesses:
-Runs off of standard carbon combustion engine, which can be tampered with
-Relies on the Mesmerglober and Shrinkerscope for powers
-Durability is unreliable
-No Combat experience

Kra: "The bus isn't some overpowered super weapon, and it shows in practice. See, in theory, it should be one of the most powerful beings in fictional history. But its never been in an actual fight or conflict, and theres no evidence Mrs. Frizzle has any combat experience either."

Natalia: "Making it something of a sitting duck. At the end of a scope. Attached to a canon."

Lucas Zaboot: "Finally! Something I know about! This baby runs off of your standard carbon combustion engine, with 260 horsepower. It runs off of propane or deisel, and carries about 3,000 pounds of torcque!"

Kra: "The downsides of running off of one of these engines is the constant need of fuel, though its feats may mean it can run off of a full tank for quite some time. And the engine was once clogged by a peanut butter banana sandwhich, rending it nearly immobile and glitching out."

Natalia: "Stupidest achilies heel ever."

Johnny Zealous: "And it's durability is all over the place. Yeah, it can survive a supernova exploding, but a T-rex's teeth can pierce its hull, and it was once in danger of being destroyed by a car compactor."

Lucas Zaboot: "The point it, this f*cking thing ain't consistent."

Kra: "Finally, the Bus relies on two major components to function. The Mesmerglober and Shrinkerscope. The Shrinkerscope allows the bus to change size, while the Mesmerglober handles pretty much everything else. Both can be tampered with or damaged, and the Shrinkerscope can be logged down by water. Both are prime targets and weak spots."

Lucas Zaboot: "Lucas Zaboot: "I know! Let's have the bus turn into clouds, water and let it go underwater where these kind of things can effect these devices and f*ck your day up!"

Natalia: "All of this aside, the Bus is oddly powerful, and not a force to be trifled with. It's changed the childhoods of thousands of kids and that kind of impact gives it some staying power as well as a shot against a blue Malibu model."